In Loving Memory
by GroovyKat
Summary: The G-Force team remembers a fallen friend. Warning, deals with Character Death..


Usual disclaimer applies -- Not mine. G-Force, both teams, do not belong to me.

**In Loving Memory**

_The Anniversary of a loss is a difficult time. Almost as difficult as the loss itself is remembering the circumstance, the pain and the immediate loss of someone or something you never thought you could live without._

_Everyone deals with the sorrow of loss in his or her own way. _

_Psychology suggests that all individuals work themselves through several stages until the final acceptance is achieved. Once that final obstacle is surmounted the individual can finally carry on and begin the healing process that almost always insists on memories and prayers._

_But sometimes, with some people, prayers aren't enough. It's hard to pray to a deity you simply do not believe in anymore. It's hard to give your soul and faith to a God you feel robbed you of the only thing in life you felt mattered. How can one be expected to place their innermost dreams and desires to an all-powerful being that picked you up by the collar and threw you against a metaphorical wall as they ripped apart your connection to sanity, to love, to honour … to life? After all is done that is good and sacrificial to the world and in the name of good, how can one maintain his or her faith when life takes away the one they truly trust in, believe in, love?_

_…For doing nothing less than protecting the rites and lives of people the deity is unwilling to protect himself?_

_How can one believe?_

_How can one live by faith when faith betrays?_

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"She said to me once," Mark commented softly to Jason as they leaned against the doorway in the large hall furthest from the gathering crowd. "That the meaning of life was as simple as building a house. If you used your prayers for bricks and dreams for mortar you could build a mansion larger than anything you've ever seen."

Jason rolled a toothpick across his lip and slouched further against the doorframe across from his Commander. "Sounds like something she'd say."

"I guess I'm destined to be homeless," he muttered in the same quiet voice, "if I use her reasoning."

Jason let out a small huff in agreement. "Lost your faith too, huh, Skipper?"

Mark nodded and pulled the left side of his wing across his chest to close himself inside. He dipped his head slowly and folded his arms to let his shoulder carry his weight against the doorframe. "I lost it a long time ago, Jason."

Jason nodded. "I don't think I've ever had it. Princess always tried to fix me on one religion, any religion, but I just …. You know."

"Yeah, I know."

"Never could find one that made any actual sense. One that wasn't full of gaping holes and contradictions."

Mark smirked, "you're preaching to the choir."

Jason rolled his shoulder against the door to adjust the tightness of the pull of wings against his neck. "You always had a belief, Mark."

"I thought so, Jase. I guess my faith wasn't strong enough."

"Or you believed your faith was in something – or someone – else."

Mark nodded, keeping his head low. "You mean believing in myself?"

"Nah, not you." Jason turned his head to the masses, and then looked back at his Commander. "You have never wholly believed in you. You believed in "us" as a team, but never yourself as an individual."

Mark slowly raised his eyes, but kept his head low. "That's a little on the deep side, man."

He shrugged. "I have my moments here and there, I s'pose."

There was a brief moment of silence as Mark considered his friend's words. After a few seconds he tilted his head and questioned him. "What makes you think I doubted myself?"

"Do you want a list?"

"I'm serious."

Jason shifted his stance slightly and lowered his gaze to a spot of something as yet unidentified on the floor. "Validation. You always searched for it at the most inappropriate time, place and person, but hid it under a false bravado of stern and unquestioned leadership."

Mark groaned. "You read my shrink's report, didn't you?"

"You think I come up with this shit on my own?"

"For a moment I thought you had."

Jason rolled his eyes and gave a small nod to the convener, who was signaling a five-minute warning to the team. "Well. I figured it out a while back, but didn't know what to call it."

Mark's eyes slowly rose. "Oh I bet you found a few choice descriptions."

The side of his mouth flicked into a smirk. "Yeah."

Mark stretched his body upward and let his head rest on the wall behind him. "Validation in inappropriate places, eh?"

Jason shrugged. "That's what the report said."

"Why don't they just say I'm messed up in the head and commit me, then?"

"Because you're like everyone else in the world, Mark. You're human. We all look for the same thing."

Mark closed his eyes. "Yeah, right."

Jason sucked in a breath to suppress a cough. "Deny it if you want, or call me a dickhead, but look at all of us. Keyop always tried his best to have you tell him you approve. Tiny needed validation from all of us. He just wanted us all to acknowledge his existence, even if it's so we could give him heck for something. You always needed Princess to look up to you, and make you feel like a Commanding officer … like a man."

"What about you?"

Jason grunted uncomfortably. "You and the Chief, I guess. I'd fuck the dog and give you guys shit so you'd knock me down and tell me what was what. I argued with you for more than just to keep you on the ground."

Mark smiled. "I thought so."

Jason sighed gently. "It sounds so weird talking in past tense."

"Tell me about it."

"Should I be committed for actually missing it all, man? For missing the war, and being with all of you on a constant basis?"

Mark shook his head against the wall. "If you did, then we all would."

"I guess."

"Princess gave us the normal life she always wanted."

"It's a shame she could never experience it for herself."

Mark inhaled shakily and allowed a regretful tear roll slowly down his cheek. "She's in a better place, Jason. She was taken from us to make things better up there."

"Things aren't supposed to need to get better up there, Mark."

"Then why else would they rip her from us?"

"To make us miserable for killing so many during the war."

Mark sniffed hard. "I still can't believe she did it, Jason. Why did she have to do it?"

"To protect you, Mark. Why else?" he answered sharply. "The only reason she did anything was for the four of us."

"It was our job to protect her, not the other way around."

"Don't be so sexist."

Mark's eyes flashed open. He lowered his head to regard Jason in shock. "What?"

Jason pulled himself from the doorframe and pulled his wings tightly around him. His head tilted dangerously, as did the rising of his eyes. "When you say shit like that, it's insulting her memory. She was one of us. She wasn't to be protected. She wasn't to be coddled and hidden under our wings. She was out there, in the thick of it, sacrificing her soul and sanity in the name of the job – just like the rest of us."

Mark's only response was a stunned cough.

"She was more than just our heart, or the G-Force female, man. We couldn't hold her down or protect her even if we wanted to. She'd be insulted and mortified if she heard you say that."

"It was my job to protect her, Jason. It was my job to stand in harms way for all of you. I was supposed to protect you all." He wiped at his cheek with the back of his hand. "She was not supposed to stand in between Zoltar and I."

"She didn't stand in between you, Mark. She thought he'd killed you. She threw the two of them into the explosion thinking she was avenging your death."

Mark closed his eyes over spilling tears and shook his head. "She shouldn't have done it."

"She didn't think she could live without you." Jason cleared his own closing throat. "Hell, she was barely alive with you in her world."

"That wasn't my fault, Jason," Mark whispered.

"Oh please," Jason hissed in impatience. "There you go again, hiding behind that damn shield of duty again. There was never a rule in place that you couldn't see her. I checked. Anderson was fine with it. He thought the two of you _were_ together."

Mark raised his eyes to his second and narrowed them at him. "How dare you."

Jason flicked a dismissive hand at him. "Don't even play that on me, Mark. You broke that girl's heart on a daily basis for what reason? You weren't interested? You're gay? You have some tail on the side? What? What reason can you honestly give me that can justify what you put her through. You dragged her along and dangled that little carrot in front of her nose then repeatedly backed way from her. Why?"

Mark's whole body gave an eerie shake, and then continued to tremor and he slouched harder against the doorframe. "She deserved better than me."

"She didn't think so."

"She deserved better than me," he repeated slowly.

"Don't you think that should have been her decision to make?"

Mark's brows creased as he shook his head. "I'm damaged goods, Jason. How could I possibly have made her happy? I couldn't commit in fear that I'd lose her, as I lose everything I love. I couldn't give her a child, or spoil her with vacations, jewelery or fur coats. She could never be in the social pages with a man like me."

Jason was silent for only a second. But when he spoke, his voice was low, resigned, and disgusted. "You didn't even know her."

"Meaning?"

"When you were wallowing in your own angst and self doubt, did you really take the time to open your eyes and get to know her?"

"I was too scared to."

Jason actually gave a laugh. It was a short one, but it accented his disgust perfectly. "Yeah, well you missed it, Man. Beneath that irritating girlish façade, she was an amazing woman."

Mark sighed in agreement. "I know."

"She didn't want the material things, Mark."

"I know."

"She saw people who had everything, and those who had nothing. She saw more love, devotion and happiness in nothing, than in those with everything."

"I know."

Jason seemed exasperated. "Then why in the Hell would you even suggest that's what she wanted?"

"I didn't say it's what she wanted. I mean it's what she deserved. I simply couldn't give it to her."

"All she wanted was for you to take her in your arms and tell her you loved her. Was that so damned difficult for you to give her?"

Mark blinked at his second and pulled himself from the doorway as the convener waved to them to ask them to enter the memorial hall. "I think the answer to that is obvious."

Jason shook his head and jutted his chin to Keyop and Tiny to join them. He cast his gaze to his Commander as the foursome came together to enter as a team.

"Then you're more of a selfish ass than I ever thought you were."

The Hall was filled to capacity on this day. This day marked not only marked the 12-month anniversary of the loss of the Swan, but also the first day of remembrance, and the introduction of a newer, and hopefully stronger, G-Force team.

Mark was required to give a speech about Princess, her life, her love, her memory. It was a speech rewritten in his mind a thousand times. No matter how many times he played it through his mind, there was simply no way he felt that a speech about G-Force could do her justice. Princess was more than the swan.

The only way he could possibly make anyone understand it was to break protocol.

He still warred with the speech contents and the canned information concocted by the Federation for release. Jason's words stung him heavily and made his indecision only worsen.

As he approached the dais amid a quickly silencing room of mourners, rubber neckers and those here for fashionable reasons, he still found himself unable to stomach the advice from the Federation PR team to say only what was already common knowledge.

As the press bulbs flashed in his face in an odd familiarity, he made his mental decision. He gave a nod to his second and took a deep breath.

The crowd immediately hushed.

"My team and I thank everyone who joins us today. It's been a long twelve months for the four of us, and for everyone involved on the G-Force project."

He drew in another breath and lowered his head to look upon those gathered in the most gentle and honest manner possible. "We're here today for two reasons. Later, we will introduce to you the new G-Force team. Younger and faster than the previous G-Force team, they will maintain the peace brought about by the fall of the Spectran threat, and continue to fight for peace when other threats present themselves."

"But now…"

"…But now."

He took a sip of water from a glass beside the microphone and cleared his throat to begin the most painful speech he felt he'd ever make in his life.

"Now. Now we remember Princess. Princess the Swan, Princess the woman, and how much of an underestimated and wonderful woman she truly was."

He raised his eyes to the PR team, who had begun to worry that he had strayed from the script they had given him a week earlier. His slow blink told them exactly what he had in store for them, and they were obviously panicked.

"Princess. There are no words in any language to describe her to you all in the way she deserves. She was more to all of us than just the Swan, than just a teammate. She was mother, sister, friend, mentor, mediator, daughter and, to at least one of us, judge, jury and executioner." He let a quiet murmur fade as he offered his youngest team member a smile that was returned in kind.

"Noone outside of the G-Force team knew that she had taken our youngest under her wing. That she had practically raised him from infancy. When Keyop was brought to us, she immediately brought him to her chest and promised protection and love. Never for an instant did she stray from that promise. As he grew, to be hen-pecked, disciplined and taught by her, their bond only deepened beyond what was expected. He was told by the project heads to call her his sister, but in the truest sense of motherhood, she was his mother."

"That was the kind of woman Princess was. She offered undeniable, limitless and unconditional love to all of us. She was always there in one-way or another for us. In whichever capacity we needed her, for whatever reason, good or bad, she was always there. She was always there. Always."

He tried desperately to hide a full-body shudder, but was unable as he tried to take another mouthful of water.

"Her life ended, not because of an error in judgment during the course of a mission. It wasn't an accident, or a stray bullet that took her life. She …" He had to pause a second and take a breath. He raised his head to try and clear his throat of a lump, and then lowered it back down respectfully to readdress the crowd. "She sacrificed herself. In a selfless act, our Swan drove herself into a massive explosion, drawing the leader of the Spectran army with her."

He exhaled an ever-shaky breath. Before he inhaled he stood still and quiet with his head down and his palms pressed in to the podium stand before him. It wasn't until he felt the reassuring touch of Jason's hand on his shoulder, and the presence of Tiny and Keyop at his right that he found the strength to continue.

"That single act ended the war. Her death changed all of our lives, forever."

"But her life," Tiny added, ignorant to the protocol of letting only the Commander speak. "Her life changed us much, much more."

"Yeah," beeped Keyop with much less stuttering than when he was in active combat, "she was the best."

Jason stepped in with his own comment, effectively saving Mark from speaking when he was physically unable. "She had this amazing grace and kindness to her that just made you love her. There was absolutely nothing she wouldn't do for another human being."

"Especially Mark," Keyop chirped playfully.

Tiny gave a laugh. Jason joined him. "Yeah, especially Mark."

The admission from his three remaining team mates hit at Mark like a freight train. He fell against the podium, wracked with sobs he could no longer hold back. Immediately he was in the middle of a four-man embrace of tearful soldiers no longer able to remain stoic and hard in the public's eye.

"God," Mark sobbed into Tiny's shoulder, unaware that the free world could hear their every word. "I miss her so much. They'll never understand."

"No one can, Mark," Tiny assured him. "No one knew her like us."

Mark stood up straight out of the huddle and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "No. They didn't. And this isn't the way to do it."

He turned from the huddle and stepped back to the microphone. Having replaced his sorrow and pain with his usual stoic and professionalism, he took a deep breath.

"Princess. Her real name was Sarah. Sarah Ann Anderson. She touched the lives of everyone who knew her. In one breath she could kick the life out of a Spectran soldier, while making sure the Swallow's face was clean and he'd brushed his teeth. She could concoct the most lethal explosives mix and set a sequence of explosions accurate to an inch – but she couldn't cook a decent meal to save herself. She could love you with all of her heart and soul and never expect anything beyond a warm smile in return."

He gently pushed himself away from the microphone, gently ending the speech with only a last breath of words.

"She loved us unconditionally and gave us life with her death … I am going to love her for the rest of my life."

He gave his team a wave and joined them in a final, farewell bow to the crowd, who remained silent.

"And now, welcome you new and improved G-Force team." A voice boomed over the PA system as the old G-Force crossed the stage to leave the main room.

"Ace; the Eagle. Dirk; The Condor. Agatha; the Swan. Peewee; the Swallow and Hootie; the Owl."

The two Eagles crossed paths with barely a nod to each other. As the original G-team left the building and all detransmuted for the last time, Mark thrust his hand into the space between them all.

"G-Force on three team. We may be off-duty never to return to the Spectran field of battle, but we're always a team."

Jason gave a hard nod and slapped his hand atop Mark's. "Damn straight, Skipper. Always a team, even if we are a bunch of hot-dogs."

Tiny gave a grunt and set his hand atop Jason's. "Hell, that bunch of kids would get their asses whooped on the first battle. They're only good for store openings and press conferences."

Keyop agreed as his hand sat atop Tiny's. "No team like the original."

Mark gave a proud nod and set his other hand on Keyop's. When the team looked at him strangely he simply smiled. "Princess."

"Always five," Jason began, coaxing his friends into a final war cry for the team.

"Acting as one," Mark continued.

"Dedicated," Tiny said through a smile.

"Inseparable," Keyop choked.

"Invincible!" They cried out in unison, all talking for their fallen comrade.

"G-Force on three," Mark yelled. "One. Two. Three."

Their team name was yelled for one last time, proudly and in a perfect harmonial unison that suffered imperfection only by the absence of their Third.

"G-Force!


End file.
